I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
