So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
