We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize
