Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Randomize
