whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Randomize
