escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
