Who wears a wallet chain?!
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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