My cat gives me a boner
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
