I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Randomize
