goodnight i made you a song goodbye
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
