I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize
