she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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