she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
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