you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
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