she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
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