Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
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