Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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