I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
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