My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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