The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
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