That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
