I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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