A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
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