woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
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