took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Randomize
