Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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