Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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