it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
