Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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