I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
