Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Randomize
