Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
