Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
