quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
