I just made out with a guy for $7.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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