You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
