i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Randomize
