do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Are my feet made of real feet?
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
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