Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Randomize
