I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
True strength comes from lack of pants
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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