hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
