do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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