Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
