guys are not supposed to queef...right?
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of j�ger and an empty bed here Friday.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Randomize
