i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
