He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
try to milk me bitch
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