It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
