I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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