twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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