So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
He kissed a someone with a penis
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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